Will you marry me? Why ladies should leave this question to men

Last year, my ex-boyfriend did the biggest surprise of his life (ever yet). It was not just a surprise, but more of a big decision he made for himself, for us.

All dressed up, he went down on his knee, blurted out a short message and asked at the end of it, “Love, will you marry me?”

(It marked the end of that chapter. We are happily married now.)

To be honest, I was not shocked that soon enough, less than two years after we officially started dating, he’d be asking me to marry him. During courtship, he already made his intentions clear (plus pogi points!), that he never entered into the relationship just for the sake of having it; that he was dating me with marriage as the goal; that he wanted to settle down, build a family with me one day. In the course of our relationship, he'd also always drop hints that sooner or later, we would be settling down.

So, what really took me by surprise when he proposed was how he did it — NOT why he did it or “Oh, he’s doing it now?!?” I hope you see the difference.

Prior to our engagement, I never opened discussing about how or when he would propose, or how and when I’d like him to propose. There was no discussion on what kind of ring I’d like, what type of proposal would sweep me off my feet or the kind of wedding I wanted to have someday.

Don't get me wrong, we still had conversations about the future, but I would only engage when he started one... He’d ask me about the number of kids I want, I’d ask him back. He’d give hints on where he wanted to build a house and probe me if that’s to my liking — clearly it was, and he knew that. We would exchange personal dreams from the past and plans for what lies ahead, but I was mum about engagement and wedding ideas.

It was after the engagement that I started intentionally discussing about our plans, of course. I was curious (and worried) about how he felt by me not dropping any hint on us getting engaged or tying the knot. I thought he might have misinterpreted it as me not seeing myself spending the rest of my life with him, so I asked as soon as we got engaged. To my surprise, he appreciated it.

Apparently, my silence was a confirmation to my now-husband that I would let him lead, that he would be able to lead me and our marriage just as how God wanted him to do so. From his perspective, my “disinvolvement” gave him all the freedom to strategize and really think it through. Because there was no pressure or whatsoever from me, he had peace to really pray about it and have it settled just between him and the Lord. It was a personal deal he first arranged with God, and then our parents.

It felt so sincere — him personally asking for God's and our parents' blessings first before getting me in the picture. I felt good knowing that... And I must say, you just really have to let the man get the leading. 

Lastly, all the planning gave him the chance to be creative in a way, too. All the ideas were his (and his accomplice’s 😉), and this was one of the main reasons why I opted not to have engagement discussions with him — I was overly curious about how he would carry out a plan. To me, letting him do it alone would allow me to see how much he values me. It would reveal the kind of man he is, and the kind of woman I am to him. It would speak volumes about how much he is willing to go through just to pull it up, to surprise me and show me his sincerity. And how he pulled it off? It just made me feel head over heels for him, but in a different light.

Honestly, I didn’t imagine he would exert much effort in it. Funny, all I was just expecting was he’d pop the question in one of our regular family dinners, or perhaps over Christmas or New Year's parties, and that’s it. No special decorations, no special place, no nothing. But he did much more than that and I was genuinely happy. So was he.

And I knew, I married the right man. ♥